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Prologue

On June 18th, 1998, it was a hot and humid summer evening. I got a horrifying phone call. It was my best friend Sue, they were at the hospital. The cry in her voice was but a whisper. Her anguished words were deafening. “Tom’s been shot!”

Her son Tommy had been shot in the back of the head.

I was numb. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think.

Our entire family rushed to be with them at their time of need. We did not leave them for four straight days and nights. We were in the cool, sterile hospital room when inevitably, they had to disconnect the machines on of all days… Father’s Day.

We still mourn the loss of Tommy.

On that bitter day, we lost our dearest friends to a tragedy that can never be healed.

Ten years has not taken away the pain.

— —

Tommy.

My husband Jeff first met Tommy as his baseball coach. Jeff was impressed “He’s a great little pitcher, he has a great arm!” Our son Mike was a year younger, he and Tommy had become fast friends.

Jeff had had the “pleasure” of working with parents before as a coach. It was always very interesting and tricky. Tommy’s dad, was easier to handle than most of the team dads because Jeff had had the good sense to invite Doug to be the assistant coach. Some parents simply need to be involved, Doug was that parent.

The Craft family had moved to Omaha after Doug had been stationed at the North Omaha Army Reserve. Doug was an active duty Marine, Gunnery Sergeant. Everyone called him “Gunny”, except his wife Sue (and me).

Doug and Sue and their children; Tara, Tommy and Chanta, were adept at changing locations like chameleons. They could quickly blend right into any community with their natural and outward friendliness.

Jeff was drawn to Doug’s tough exterior that so obviously shielded a teddy bear heart. His friendly teasing and bantering with the kids was just plain endearing. He would gruffly bark orders to the kids like the drill sergeants he had obviously come to admire “Sir, yes Sir!” The kids loved this.

Doug’s older brother Tommy had fought in Viet Nam and lost his life in service to this country. Doug had honored his brother, by naming his son for him.

It wasn’t long before Jeff was bringing the Craft family to our home, he wanted me to meet his new best friend and his wife Sue. She had a genuiness about her that just shined through her bright smile.

We just started doing everything together as families.

I loved to do photography and so we did a number of portrait shots of the kids at various parks. Sue sent copies of the pics to her family back home in Pennsylvania.

We both love baking. Her specialty was a nut roll that she makes at Christmas, mine was Danish Pastry Cookies.

We had family barbeques and sleepovers for the kids who were constant companions.

Doug helped Jeff find me a 2nd hand car…it was a BMW with a stick-shift. I had to be taught to drive it. Lord that was hilarious.

Doug loved riding Harley Davidson Motorcycles, so I wasn’t surprised when Jeff came home with one.

Michael and Tommy shared a love of sports like baseball, tae kwon do and fishing.

I could go on and on.

Suffice it to say that we simply transcended “friendship” and became one big happy family.

When Doug found that he had to do an overseas tour in Okinawa, instead of selling their home, they decided to rent it out and have us manage the property until their return. I was a little shocked that they had made the decison to return to Omaha rather than their hometown of Punxsutawney. But I was relieved that I would not be saying goodbye forever when the day came that they had to ship out to Japan.

We kept in touch by letters and packages for three years.

Upon their return, Tommy introduced Michael to skateboarding, a sport that they grew to love. They were constantly trying new tricks. It was a new sport here in Omaha and there were no skate parks that were designed for the sport, but the boys both hoped for that to change.

Now the boys were in their teens and their extended group of friends all were into skateboarding, skateboard gear, music, cars and even girls.

One night the boys came running into my house upset because they had been stopped by the police over by the school. Another friend Lee was with them. They had been walking from Tommy’s home to ours and had stopped at the elementary school which was under construction. They wanted to look at all the changes that were being made to their former school. So of course they were peering into the windows curious to see the changes. An alert neighbor notified police that youths were on school property and so they were stopped and questioned.

By the time they had gotten to our house they were wide-eyed and breathless. They were rattling off the tale of how they had been stopped by the police and “interrogated and frisked”.

I think they were a little bewildered that Jeff and I were not upset by what had happened. They had wanted us to be upset as they were.

We had to explain to the boys that the police were simply doing their job.

Lee said “Well I was going to run!”

“No! don’t ever run from the police, that is the exact wrong thing to do, especially when you have done nothing wrong!” we said.

We pointed out that after the police questioned the boys, they were released. It looked to me as if they found nothing wrong and let the kids come on home. That is exactly what was supposed to happen. As law-abiding citizens, it is important to teach your kids when the police are acting in the best interest of the community. We laughed when Doug and Sue arrived later only to back us up on everything we had told the boys.

A few years later, the boys were in high school and Tom being a year ahead of Mike was going to be graduating this next year. He had grown up tall and handsome. Doug and Sue bought him a beautiful class ring that he had wanted. It had meant a great deal to him to wear it during his coming “Senior” year. At school, he really loved the “technical center” at school where he could work on cars and learn about how to properly maintain and fix them. He was a seriously considering going to one of those mechanics colleges down in Houston…the ones that turn out the highly paid mechanics that work on the Nascars and such.

I wish now, that he had gotten to do just that.

Gangs!

Why do kids have to fill the holes in their lives by being members of Gangs? Why is it that they seem to have absolutely no interraction skills to draw upon when faced by adversity. When did angry words become a primary reason to use a gun?

Earlier that day, Tommy and some other friends had had some “words” with some boys from the other side of the park. Angry words. It seems that these boys had taunted Tommy’s sisters when they had walked up the street to the store. Tara’s boyfriend Charles and her brother Tommy and a few other friends were going to make sure that these boys did not get away with this. Charles was especially livid and angry. So they all piled into Tommy’s car and they drove down to the park to confront them.

Charles came out of the car with his mouth blazing. Tommy and his other friends all came out of the car to back up Charles. They looked up the short hill to where their rivals stood. Four slightly younger black males.

Charles was ready for a fight. His angry words were loud and challenging. He had no idea that these four young men standing in front of him were considering gang membership. I am sure it never occurred to him that one of them, Richard Combs, just 16 years old, was carrying a loaded gun.

Before even one foot came off the street pavement to climb up the short hill, out came the gun and Richard Combs was firing down at the group of boys still on the street. The bullets were flying past them and into the houses behind them. They scattered and ran for their lives. Richard kept shooting until he had emptied the cartridge.

When it was done, Tommy lay on the ground, blood pouring out the back of his head and the bullet was still lodged in the front part of his brain near his eye.

When it was done, Richard ran through the park to his grandmother’s house to hide the gun and change his clothes.

Sue was at home and just two blocks away, her son Tommy lay fighting for his life on the pavement, on this hot summer evening, ten years ago.

Tens years after, my dearest friends live back in their hometown. Having taken their son “home” they found they could not leave him.

Tens years after, I still mourn the loss of my friends in my daily life.

Several of my blog friends have told me over and over that I should get serious about writing after reading my blog or other things I have written. I can only say that I love to write when the bug bites me. And when it does, the words flow out like rushing water, I cannot stop it if I try.

So to that end, I found a new site for writers WeBook.com. This is a site that brings writers together in a community so that we can help each other with critique, bounce ideas and collaborate. I am not someone who has a lot of higher education. Basic high school English will have to suffice. So I hope to tap into my inner soul and get help with organizing my writing into something that can actually be published someday.

I thought to myself, now…what do I do for my first project? Something safe, to get me started…something I know…my family of course. I know I blog about family here, but I want to flesh out the drama of certain aspects of motherhood and grandmotherhood. I need to dig deeper and get my thoughts and random writings into some kind of organization. I can’t do that in a free-flowing blog like this. I actually need “chapters”.

So my first project is called “Grandkidz kan make u krazy in luv” and the first chapter, “The unintentional grandmother” where I faced one of my most difficult life challenges as a mom. I have even stolen some of my blog stories as additional chapters and added them to this project. They remind me that everything did turn out well in the end. Now I just need to go back and continue to tell a story that unfortunately is not really so unique. I just hope to shine a light for other moms that have to “be there” for their daughters in those life-changing moments.

Another project that I have toyed with in my mind is a fictional novel based on the Colberts, Loves and Kemps and Roarks. I have researched my father’s genealogy and family history for many years. I find that family to be incredibly interesting and some of the people that appear in the family tree need to come to life again. Their lives simply must be told beyond the footnotes in the genealogy charts. It is all there, love and loss, bravery in the wilderness, fighting for and ultimately being uprooted from the family lands, finding a new country in the Indian Territories. This would be a great story to tell. Gosh am I up to the challenge? I have wondered this for years.

Maybe there is a book in my future.

I have been working hard on my son Mike’s upcoming wedding on July 12. As of today, we are at 38 days and counting. Kara’s grandmother Carol had contacted me about getting some pictures of Mike growing up so that she could use them in a project they are doing for a wedding shower for Kara this weekend. So of course I went through all the photos and the memories came flooding back.

Sweet memories…

One of my favorites was of Mike working with his grandpa Floyd on a lawnmower. Grandpa was always very mechanical and Mike was fascinated by the tools and work that his grandfather did. And Floyd was always so patient with his grandson, letting him “work” with him side by side.

Another was of Mike and his cousin James at about 3 or 4 years of age. We were at my mom and dad’s and the boys were playing football (even at that young age) and very competitive. You could see James’ defensive skills even then. And Mike…he just liked to run with the ball.

And a very special memory of a trip to the Joslyn Museum with my friend Carol Fettin and her children, Chris and Sarah. There had been a room with western art and when the boys saw a sculpture of a man done in leather…I remember Mike running into the room exclaiming to Chris “Hey Chris! Look! it’s a dead cowboy!” The look on the security man’s face standing in the doorway was priceless…his shoulders shaking with laughter at the children’s genuine and sweet reaction to the art.

Now my darling boy has grown up. Kara is his future. I am very happy for him and very proud of the man he has become. But I was truly happy to go back through the years of photos to remember those sweet moments.

If you do not see the slideshow below, turn off your pop-up blocker. Or go to this link to view: http://picasaweb.google.com/vikianderson/Mike Click on the slideshow to view it full screen.

LOL Listening to the news you would swear that there are no white women willing to vote for Barack Obama. CNN, NBC, ABC, FOX, and CBS are all throwing the white woman vote to Hillary. The truth is, there are plenty of white women that are voting for Obama. And amazingly there are alot of them in Nebraska! Yep…the RED state of Nebraska has voters for … [drumroll] … Barack Obama!

For this Obama-mama, it was a slam dunk. Obama represents my views on the war and the willingness to work with all to truly create the changes we need. No more HATE/FEAR-politics! And although Hillary ran a wonderful campaign, there are too many that would see a “Clinton” in the office as more fodder to continue the hate no matter if her policies and ideas are great!

I want to move on. I want to reshape our government with a relative out-sider with fresh ideas and a completely different perspective to draw from. Someone with whom the world can respect and repair our standing with the international community. Sometimes it takes a little thinking from outside the box [read beltway] to see a better solution. And a willingness to work with all. Something GW was totally incapable of doing. A real leader leads… he (or she) does NOT DICTATE.

Today is June 3 and hopefully Obama will finally be able to declare that he is the presumptive nominee for the Democratic vote in the general election. I will work very hard to see that he gets there.

okay…okay…so I am only partially white LOL!

I have decided to learn a second language.

I have long been interested in learning other languages, and took French while still in school. But as much as I loved French, I never had an occasion to use it. I never traveled to Europe or France. I did visit Canada and used it for one brief moment while visiting Ontario. But that was over 35 years ago! Unfortunately, if you don’t use it…you lose it. Je suis trés désolé!

What I do have, is the opportunity to use Spanish! The fact is, Hispanic people are a fact of life here in Omaha and the US. And although many in the US are offended by Hispanics using their language exclusively, it does not change the fact that Spanish speaking people live among us.

At my job in an elementary school, we have Hispanic children who unfortunately must become interpretors for their parents while still in kindergarten. This is not acceptable in an emergency. And I do see many parents struggling to learn the English language also. It is not true that they do not try. People who believe otherwise are morons with their fingers in their ears screaming “la la la la la la la” so they can’t hear the truth.

I see this as a real opportunity for me to learn a second language that I can actually use!

My future son-in-law Oscar is from El Salvador. I hope that someday, my Spanish is as good as his English.

One of my very best online friends is from Argentina. Daniela es mi amigueta. We talk via Skype or MSN nearly everyday. And although we have never met in the same room, we have become very close friends, discussing our families, our daily lives, poker, cooking, art and many things that we both enjoy. We also have another friend, Diana from Venezula. I help them with English and they help me with Spanish. They are truly a joy to know.

I have found many many resources on the internet to help me learn. Free lessons are everywhere. The two sources I am using currently are Coffebreak Spanish and SpanishPod.com. Both have downloadable MP3s for my iPod and PDF lessons for study.

I am seriously interested in expediting my learning though, so maybe a class at Metro College is in my future.

Soy estudiente de español y me encanta.

I think about that.

Of course the answer for me is probably NEVER.

It started before iPods & iTunes. It started before CDs, cassette tapes and 8 tracks. I had to have music to listen to from as early as I could remember when my dad first bought a Hi-Fi and then bought a Patsy Cline album and then later bought a Burl Ives Christmas album for my mom (who truly was NOT into listening to music).

So somewhere in our 33 years of marriage, Jeff figured out that I did not get turned on by jewelry or flowers. But get me an iPod and I will follow you anywhere LOL. Actually he bought my first one back in 2002 for my birthday. And since then, I have been filling up my computer with as much music as I could gather. Boy that was dumb. My computer crashed and burned and I lost it all. Well last May, I finally got a 500GB external drive and re-uploaded all my CDs to that drive. Much smarter, live and learn (the hard way.)

Of course my music archiving enthusiasm was brimming over now…a 60GB iPod and a 500GB drive, what ever could be better? Well having friends and loved ones archive their music on your drive for safe keeping of course. When they scratch the hell out of their CDs because they are abusing them (like my son or daughter), or when their favorite CD gets stolen from their car, and now they need a new one burned… you get the picture. Some have iPods, but don’t have computers or iTunes. My Mac and drive house their collections for their iPods.

Well, now my brother-in-law Jim has now archived his CD collection. Then came our dear friends Ray and then George and Sandy, son Mike’s soon to be wife Kara, my sister-out-law Kim, my friend Jimmy R. at work and now brother/sister-in-law Jerry and Jody.

I must say, they all have fabulous taste in music and I am impressed. Everything from Billie Holiday to Elvis, Roy Orbison, Johnny Cash, Etta James, The Beatles, George Thorogood, John Hiatt, Bonnie Raitt, Sister Hazel, Fishbone and Fergie. It’s all good!

Of course this is now more music than my little iPod (or theirs) can hold, but I have selectively filled the thing leaving about 5 GB open. So I now manage separate playlists for each of my collection contributors and their iPods. I am librarian for nearly 1200 CDs. iTunes is an awesome program.

So when you have a few hours to browse…check this iTunes Library (16MB pdf) out. It is an amazing list for sure.

And to think…I used to collect spoons! LOL

When my Aunt Delores came to Omaha to attend Aunt Evie’s funeral, we laughed and cried in memorial as a family. We spent time as a family does, getting updated on all the family news, new children, even celebrating a surprise 50th birthday for my cousin Jon. It was an opportunity to see many family members that had come in from out of town. It is precisely these moments that I live for! I love listening to and recording family history. And in the sharing…it is the key to what makes us a truly great family!

Aunt Dee, stayed at my mom’s and so I got a little more face time with her and I am very, very glad I did. Aunt Dee lives in Philadelphia and this was a rare chance to get to know her better, enjoy her stories, and love her. And I really did.

She recounted how she and Uncle Henry met here in Omaha while he was in the service and stationed in Lincoln, NE. She told me how her infant son Dickie was injured in a car accident and came to be in a hospital. I loved hearing about her life with Henry, their sons, their laundry, their grocery, and her different jobs that she enjoyed through the years.

It is remarkable to me that at 79 (80 in July) she is still a vibrant, sharp as a tack, work-a-holic, working part-time at Kohl’s Clothing Store in the children’s department in Philly! She reminds me of the energizer bunny that keeps going and going! And she says, she is not even the oldest worker there…she has a co-worker who is 94!

Dee likes to refer to herself as a “Chinese Jew” (political correctness set aside) meaning she loves a good bargain! She loves to find bargains and then find ways to save more money on every bargain. She is an avid coupon clipper and carefully watches for sales and mark-downs and gets a senior discount and an employee discount whenever possible. So we were off to the Kohl’s here in Omaha for a demonstration/lesson on power bargain shopping — Dee Style! We had a wonderful time hunting through the 80% off racks for just the right diamond in the rough and she delighted in getting her senior discount on top that. What a glorious smile she has when she is triumphant at shopping!

As a member of the Chin family, maybe it is a given that she is also an avid gambler (most of us are in this family.) She got to spend several days with her sisters and nieces visiting the casinos in Council Bluffs. There is no one happier than Dee to try her luck with a “777″ slot machine!

Dee is also incredibly generous with a heart bigger than she is! Let’s not forget…ever… her generosity of jade heart pendants she has gifted her sisters and nieces over the years. She has set a family tradition that will be handed down through the families for generations with her love of her family. This visit, she delighted the children in our family bringing those traditional “Lucky Money” Red Envelopes for each in celebration of the Chinese New Year! She also had other wonderful little bits of joy from Chinatown for us to share, cookies in a “Lucky Money” shaped golden coin cookie jar for my mom, cute little lipstick holders in brightly embroidered silk. She tries to never forget anyone. That is not an easy feat in this family.

Dee is the perfect traveler for today’s rocky airline travel. She seems to never get riled or upset by delays or mishaps. She just rolls with the tide and enjoys the ride. On her way here, she missed her connecting flight putting her 4 hours behind. She arrived totally un-upset with a huge smile from ear to ear. You would never know by her demeanor, the hours of waiting she endured or the unexpected changes in her flight plans. And on the flip side, going home she had the same thing happen! I talked to her several times during her trip home to make sure she was ok and she was a shining example of patience and endurance. She didn’t get home until nearly 12am and she was perfectly happy and fine with that.

It was while sitting in the airport here in Omaha waiting for her flight, that Dee and I found we have something in common - a love for cooking! I must add in that my cousin Dona and I both enjoy getting tips from Aunt Dee when it comes to family recipes. And waiting to board her plane seemed the perfect time to impart her personal tips on “Chicken Wings and Stir Frys”:

Boiled Chicken Wings
Always boil with water, ginger, garlic and scallions - also a bit a salt. To add crunch, dip each wing in ice water quick to stop skin from cooking. It will crisp the skin adding a crunch while leaving the inside meat still hot. That’s the secret to crispy skin! Make a dipping sauce with Oyster Sauce.

Oyster Sauce Stir Frys
I like to use Oyster Sauce instead of soy sauce to give a better flavor. More interesting and delicious. First stir fry your choice of marinated meat cut to bite size and set aside. Don’t overcook meat or it will be tough! My favorite vegetables to stir fry are: Bok Choy, onion, carrot, oyster sauce and a bit of water or broth, thicken with corn starch to make a sauce. Add meat back in right before serving to bring back up to serving temperature. You can use other vegetables like broccoli and cauliflower, celery or cabbage instead. What ever you like!

Chicken Wings with Ketchup and Onions
Marinate chicken wings in soy sauce, minced garlic, and ginger and onion in the refrigerator. Stir fry the wings til golden brown, remove from pan and set aside. Add some thinly sliced onion to the pan the meat was in and stir fry with a bit of water to deglaze the pan then add some ketchup, minced garlic and water to make a sauce, add some sugar to taste. Thicken with cornstarch and add chicken wings back in.
— Aunt Dee

I am sure gonna miss her ’til her next visit!

Yesterday was a NO SCHOOL DAY for my grandkids and also at the school I work at. So my daughter Heather and I decided to take the kids to visit their great grand parents in Decatur, NE so they could see the new baby.

On the way up, Jocelyn asks “Grandma, do we have any vegetarians in our family?” I am sure I must have looked puzzled while answering…”No, I don’t think so.” “Well we are singing for the vegetarians next week for chorus at school and we are supposed to bring pictures of our vegetarians.”

Then it dawned on me that soon the kids might be celebrating “Veteran’s Day”.

“Oh Jocelyn! You mean Veteran’s Day. Yes, as a matter of fact, Great Grandpa Ned is a Veteran and you can ask him about this when we get to their house.”

So of course Great Grandpa Ned helped to explain what a veteran was to the children. And that there are many Veterans in our family including our most recent veteran, James who was just in Iraq. But it got real interesting when they were sounding out the word V-e-t-e-r-a-n and GGrandpa said it sounded kind of like Veterinarian, which is a whole other ball of wax LOL.

Anyway, I got this great shot of Ned and Jocelyn for her school picture to take with her.

Grammas just have to brag…

Click the slideshow to see individual shots enlarged.

I have to admit, I was surprised at the results of an opinion line-up between my views and the existing candidates. I thought I lined up with Barack Obama. I was very surprised that a candidate that I had never heard of…Bill Richardson actually represented my views more closely.

My friend Kim sent me a link to a site that matches up YOUR views with the CANDIDATE’S.
http://www.wqad.com/Global/link.asp?L=259460

Guess I am going to have to do a little more studying. It is incredibly important to really select the person that represents YOUR own views rather than the views of the “talking heads”. I urge you to find out who that is.